Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Fear of Money

The love of money may be the root of all evil, but what about the fear of money? It goes without saying that one needs money to pay bills, buy food, and survive. Unfortunately, money is not limitless and sometimes we do not have enough of it to make ends meet. That fear is my immediate future. I know I’m not alone in economic struggle, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared.

Honestly, it’s hard for me to admit that not being able to pay my bills makes me fearful because I’ve never liked being attached to money. I never thought I’d be out of work this long, with the interest on school loans racking up, and savings depleting because  bills are more than I bring in each month.

Thankfully, my dad is kind enough to let me live with him for free and feed me as often as he can afford (which he probably does more than he actually should because he doesn’t want me not eating). Also, many of my friends have helped me out whenever they could from meals to taking me traveling for a little piece of mind.

Recently, I’ve talked a lot about how the feeling of failure has weighed down on me mentally and emotionally, but the fear of going bankrupt is a different animal. I am so scared and so overwhelmed by the $108,000 debt that continues to grow in interest. I have tried virtually every avenue of finding employment that I can and continue to come up empty handed.

Thus far, the combination of savings and government assistance have been a blessing that has provided me with funds for three times the amount of time it should have. Nonetheless, if I do not land a job that can begin to rebound my financial deficit, immediately, the rubber will meet the road and I will be bankrupt (and school loans are not easily covered through such action).

In closing, I share my financial worries with you today because I know I’m not alone. I know I need all the prayers I can get and I’m hoping those prayers will bring about a miracle. I believe in miracles (some say I am one) and I haven’t been in such dire need for a miracle in a long time. Thank you for the support and the prayers. Lord, I’m crying for help, please don’t let that go unnoticed.

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