What Doesn't Kill You

I’d rather feel – feel anything but this

I want to cry…

Don’t want more dying:

I want to laugh,

I want to love,

I want your touch.

I’d rather feel – feel anything but this

Emotionally exhausted,

Mentally tapped out,

I want to laugh…

Instead, I have rage:

Haunted by the past,

Haunted by the present,

Haunted by the future.

I’d rather feel –feel anything but this

Been beaten numb.

What doesn’t kill you, doesn’t make you stronger

What doesn’t kill you, doesn’t kill you.

I’d rather feel – feel anything but this.

Pieces

An ego of shattered glass…

A broken mirror taped back together…

A well of tears bursting forth…

The dam walls no longer hold them….

Pieces of a failure…

Anything but glue…

Watching you take the pain…

Nothing for the walls to lean on….

 

The remains of a loser…

Held together by scars…

A blood-stained cross…

What’s left of the walls; a dirty pool called grace….

A heart of sand…

All that’s left of ground up concrete…

Yet tears rain, rain, rain…

The dam is broken…

The pool is flooding…

 Reflections of ego in the tear-covered walls….

Alone in the Darkness

Don’t know why it all stings so much….
In darkness I swallow pain,
Longing for kind touch,
Feeling alienated and alienating.

Missing my old self
And needing my friends;
Reaching for the top shelf,
Hoping darkness will end.

I am venomous;
Indeed, I wonder why.
Analyzing the tempestuous,
Trying not to cry.

Darkness reigns
Because peace is shattered;
Frustration rains
Because I don’t matter.

In darkness, I cling to God;
In darkness, I have no friends;
In darkness, I am beaten;
In darkness, I see no end.

Don’t know why it all stings so much;
As I miss my old self, I am venomous
Because darkness reigns – rains to no end.

For, I am alone in the darkness,
Shoving others away;
Yet, on the inside, I hope they stay,
So I don’t have to cry alone as darkness rains.

The Silent Shadows

Inspired by the film Listen to Your Heart.

What if I could not hear?

What if I could not see?

What if I could not speak?

Would beauty be the same to me?

I take life for granted,

In spite of all the miracles;

Selfish and lackluster,

In spite of being lyrical.

What if I could not hear?

What if I could not see?

What if I could not speak?

Would love be the same to me?

I’ve walked roads of faith and doubt;

Missing the point, as much as ever.

Treating love, like a selfish gain,

Causing its truth to sever.

What if I could not hear?

What if I could not see?

What if I could not speak?

Would sorrow be the same to me?

In the silent shadows, I sit,

Longing for a better life than the one that exists –

Something with this picture doesn’t quite fit.

How much havoc do I have to list?

If I could not hear, beauty would be the feeling of sound.

If I could not hear, love would be captured with a smile.

If I could not hear, sorrow, would still be sorrow.

If I could not see, beauty would be the feeling of a breeze or the warmth of a hug.

If I could not see, love would be blind to all that is tainting.

If I could not see, sorrow, would still be sorrow.

If I could not speak, beauty would be that feeling we get when someone treats us well.

If I could not speak, love would be an action; not a string of words.

If I could not speak, sorrow, would still be sorrow.

Since I can hear, since I can see; since I can speak,

Couldn’t beauty and love be all of those things to me?

I take life for granted, as we all do,

That’s why sorrow will always be sorrow –

No matter what we’re going through.

Yet, beauty and love could always change tomorrow.

Resounding Voice

Love knows no bounds,

As it reaches profound;

I’d quiet its sound,

If it weren’t all around.

Love isn’t always a choice;

Sometimes, love is the voice

That we can’t help but hoist.

Is love always something to rejoice?

This love is a prison cell;

One cannot toll this bell.

How many tears fell?

This love could be heaven, but it is hell.

The Hidden Heart

Sleepless nights torment my soul,

A confused heart that won’t let go,

Escaping emotion I cannot show;

For, this love I’ll never know.

Hours fall without rest,

Does the heart, truly, know best?

I’ll hide it away, like a treasure chest;

For, this love I cannot test.

Nights pass into day;

Oh, restless heart go away.

Disappear, you cannot stay;

For, this love I cannot say.

Insomnia, it is treason;

The hidden heart hath no season,

Running from passion with good reason –

For, this love hath no season.

The Forsaken Funereal

Courage out of struggle
The glass-ceiling closes in
Exhausted from rebuttal
Feeling like I cannot win

The clouds keep coming
The storms are relentless
Burden’s heavy drumming
Tearing down defenses

No love for self
No sign of light
Just a wounded animal
Out of fight

Scratching and clawing
In order to live the moment
The past a reflection
The future a lonely stone-tent

A cryptic heart and a broken body
Too weak to weep out the pain
The impossible fought me
Sending strength down the drain

Too fatigued to rise
Too young to retire
Through injured cries
In trail and fire

Stories that could inspire
Challenges that fill pages
Beaten to the mire
Darkness for cages

Where’s mercy?
Where’s grace?
For your servant’s disgrace

There’s persecution
Then, there’s abandonment
There’s the martyred
Or the forsaken

What am I without hope?
Exhausted,
Burdened,
Wounded,
Entombed,
Broken,
Drained,
Crippled,
Vanquished,
Alone,
And forsaken.