There are many people in this world who have been dealt a rough hand, but, somehow, they keep going through life. Some have argued, I am one of those people. I’m not here to write a laundry-list of bad hands – I’m here to tell you, “I will not bow…” (Breaking Benjamin, “I Will Not Bow”).
Over the past few days, I have been pondering many things; among them, death, courage, resilience, and determination. A few years ago, death raped my heart, for what seemed like the millionth time. The point is, death leaves us forever changed (for more on this thought, visit this link). Forever changed, I’ve had the resilience to push forward. I don’t say that lightly – it takes courage to be resilient. But, where does courage come from?
No matter who we are, everybody’s got something that requires a little courage. My courage stems from many things: faith, love, hope, and experience – more than all of that – my courage is born out of determination. If I had to choose one word to define myself, it would be determined.
For, I am determined to never settle for the flow of heavy cards that have crossed my hand! “I will not bow” because I believe in something that promises better things than bad hands. I believe in a God who knows what it’s like to feel forsaken, I believe in a God who was crucified to a tree, and I believe in a God whose resurrection saved the world, with the best hand in the game. On bad days, determination equates to cursing at God. On average days, determination is proving that “I will not bow,” until God delivers on that better hand. On the best days, determination becomes a living resurrection. I’m a stubborn SOB and an egomaniac to boot; yet, the cross event – death and resurrection – can turn my determination into resurrection.